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Portents

January 14, 2011 7:28 pm / 5 Comments / Chris

“The seal is made. Forty Suns,” said every cleric simultaneously on the planet that day. That would number only in the tens of thousands, among all the races.

This event, thirty-eight years ago, caused a varying degree of anxiety, doubt and violence. Most faiths awaiting their god or an avatar were convinced that it was a sign, not only that the wait was soon over, but also of the superiority of their faith over others, for had not their shamans and demon-possessed heretics also spoken the words?

For others, particularly parts of the world with less complicated religions, this became the seed from which great and terrible faiths arose. The old races took it as a sign of a revival and eventual golden age.

Still others took it as political prophecy–the King that would liberate them would be coming as the mandate of heaven had changed. Some tribes even managed to liberate themselves far in advance. Other superstition cultures took it as an ill omen for their future. As the fortieth date approaches, panic arises and decorum breaks down.

Oracles in particular had a hard time understanding this. Some went silent after that, never speaking again and in some cases, throwing themselves to the ocean.

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Posted in: campaign window dressing, content, legacy D&D / Tagged: content

Eau de Bugbear

January 6, 2011 10:27 pm / 6 Comments / Chris

Eh, you guys ready? Da buggahs is down da hill.

Yes, but they are also downwind. Here. Put this behind your ears.

What? You want Bragga for wife?

No, my erudite axetrix, just put on this parfum. The liquid in this bottle is the work of Enri de Karpani, a master of olfactory obfuscation. You will no longer smell like, well, this. We will all smell like them. I am not sure which is better, but the latter is certainly better for our heads.

Enri de Karpani’s parfumerie

GP per ounce (each ounce = 5 applications)

Kobald  100

Goblin  150

Orc   300

Lizardman  900

Bugbear  500

Northerner 100

Southern Warrior 50

Southern Noble  300

Soap (for you, free)

New this season:

Manticore 1,500

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Posted in: equipment, humor, legacy D&D / Tagged: content, humor, perfume

Mages Crave the Taste of Brains

December 29, 2010 8:29 am / 3 Comments / Chris

Milaran had climbed as far as he could go, knowing he was surrounded by Tullully’s men. He’d cast nearly every magic in his head, but the price on it was too high.

Tullully would have that head and eat the brains inside, gaining his power (very little) and his knowledge of the art (likewise, he decided, in light of his circumstances). It was how Tullully maintained control of the wagons, how he ensured his place at the top. Any dead kin or foe’s head was delivered to Tulully and the patriarch helped himself to any spells remaining in their sweetbreads.

It was Milaran’s own mistake that got him here. He had let it slip that there was a scroll he’d seen while abroad in Skaarsport. Someone talked and now his great uncle wanted the spell. And he’d likely get it too.

Milaran reached into his pocket and pulled out a pink, hairless thing shaped vaguely like a cat. It was a familiar he’d grown from his body weeks before. It couldn’t help him now, so he tossed it as far as he could, letting gravity carry it down the mountain. With any luck, it would bear witness to his last great moment.

The men were working their way up the slopes. He pushed them out of his thoughts and repeatedly recited the new spell he’d learned, taking care to replace certain pronouns. He went over the new formula over and over until it replaced what had been there. It was during his seventy-seventh recitation that an axe fell.

Tullally ate Milaran’s brains straight out of the skull, which had been opened from above, set on a special table and decorated with paint and jewels. The family had been assembled and the charges. No one had objected, of course. All new knowledge was to be shared with the head of the clan, and he would show them Milaran’s crime as soon as he’s finished eating his brains.

Tullally could taste the places where old family spells had resided in the boy’s brain: How to make a ball of magic, How mold one’s flesh into a small companion, The first spell that taught the language of magic. These were all familiar flavors that Tullally himself had taught countless boys in the camp.

After much poking and prodding with his spoon, Tullally found a new taste on the right side, near the front. It was clearly of a very different lineage of the magic. In food terms, it tasted as different from the rest of this brain as oysters differ from a white bean. It was salty to taste and rubbery in texture. His spoon scooped again and he had it–a spell not known in the east of the continent, perhaps not cast anywhere in many millenia.

The boy’s last spell, the treasure he’d secretly learned in the north.

Not four feet from him, watching from between folds of the tent, was a small, pinkish creature, vaguely shaped like a cat.

After scraping in the last bite of that lobe, Tullally stood and proceeded out of the tent and into the open, away from the camp toward the nearby pond. The family followed, anxious to see that their leader had gained. Tullally felt the words rise from his gut, like strong whisky riding a belch. The first syllable was an ‘esss…’ sound, which he held as long as he could for dramatic effect. Then he moved through the syllables, recognizing very little of it.

The last syllable left his lips, a reflexive first-person pronoun. It had all built up to that last syllable, but by the time he’d said it, there was no turning back or changing.

Immediately, his bones began to liquefy into a sticky mess, not unlike tar. His body fell over without any support and he rolled out of his clothes. He was a pinkish something, covered in hair. What became of Tullally rolled with slope of the ground, down toward the pond and slid into the water. The family slowly approached, trying to see down in the water.

Tullally still lives as a formless thing in the water. He must drag himself onto land and struggle to get his mouth facing upward in order to cast a spell. He is a level 12 mage and knows 21 spells, including Turn One’s Own Bones to Jelly a level four spell and a unique gift from his kinsman.

I don’t usually indulge in fiction when I post ideas. For some reason this one seemed to demand it, even though I don’t have the knack for narrative writing.

I should acknowledge Harlan Ellison’s short story I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream as inspiration for the final form Tullally takes, even though he clearly has a mouth.

I am indebted to someone from the OSR, perhaps Zak S., maybe James Raggi IV, maybe some other OSR superstar, for the idea that mage brains contain spells that can be turned into potions or other edible magics. I did some searching but couldn’t find it. If someone knows who came up with that (in the context of D&D) please post a comment! Thanks.

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D, monsters / Tagged: content, spells, wizards

Bathilda’s Buns Will Possess You

December 28, 2010 7:20 am / Leave a Comment / Chris

Bathilda the baker, a woman in her fifties, has wild dreams of making love to a demon at night. He spoke to her and told her of a skull buried under a stump in the forest. She seduced a woodsman to fell the tree and dig up the skull. As he climbed out of the pit, the woodsman tripped on a root and fell back, landing on the skull and piercing his heart on its single horn.

She puts the skull in with the coals of her oven when she bakes her bread. Each roll has a small spirit in it, capable of possessing someone who eats it, provided they eat it hot and fresh (the spirit rides the steam).

Bathilda spent a considerable amount of her small savings to rent a small place near her market stall, so the bread is hot and fresh. She has even started to serve goat stew (at a loss) to go with the fresh bread, encouraging her customers to eat it right there.

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D / Tagged: content, spirits

Chess-Crazy Trolls and the Apocalypse

December 23, 2010 12:14 am / Leave a Comment / Chris

Long ago, when the great civilizations whose ruins you now delve were still great civilizations, there was a wizard who dreamed of controlling the world. Unsurprisingly, he also had an interest in game design. One night he dreamt of a game that was properly designed in harmony with cosmic semiotics and universal proportionality which would sieze control of the minds of millions.

After years of development and experimentation, he created a marvelous game that immediately captured the fancy of the educated and leisure classes of his native empire. As the creator of this game, he was highly regarded and awarded many honorific titles and even a place in the nobility. But this fame and fortune was not enough.

Knowing there was some missing element, he reached out to the stars for an answer, communing with intelligences on distant worlds, who usually gave him incomprehensible or useless answers. Eventually, he reached a mind that not only understood the plan, but had practical advice.

The wizard was to make another piece, designed according to the alien mind’s exacting specifications, and bring it to a specific island in a wide sea during the lunar eclipse of the winter solstice. The alien would at the same moment cast a spell aimed at the wizard’s planet in that exact location. The combined magic of the two mages would create a new game piece that would completely beguile all who played with it.

It worked. The wizard and the alien mind created the equivalent of a magical thought virus (to use a modern concept as analogy). Any who played the game with that piece or a copy of it would become hopelessly addicted to the game, gradually losing ambition, hope or even the desire to do basic work. Eventually, the infected forgot to eat.

Since every player would enthusiastically tell anyone nearby of this new obsession, the virus spread far and wide quickly and with predictable results; within two years, the six largest civilizations on the planet had died out. Isolated pockets of humans and demi-humans who were never exposed to the game due to language barriers or location, and those who by quirk of genetics were immune to the game, survived and repopulated the planet over the course of the next few millennia.

Which brings us to the trolls. The trolls were eventually overrun by this game, but because they regenerate their health despite injury or starvation, they never die from the virus directly. They are still obsessed with the game all these many generations later. Trolls who are not enslaved only occassionally leave their lairs to kill, eat or terrorize a village. They spend most of their days with their companions or captive humanoids playing “zjezz” as it’s called in Trollspeak.

This explains a few things I’ve wondered about trolls, such ass why they keep to themselves, why they are so grouchy when interrupted by adventurers and why they never took over the planet.

Today’s people have inherited immunity to the game, although if someone were to alter the spell slightly, who knows what might happen…

And the wizard? He’s been on the moon these millennia past, playing his game with the similarly obsessed King of the Moon.

Notes: You can use real chess, some variant on it (google chess variants for many options using standard chess pieces) or some other board game.
This isn’t the first chess-inspired post I’ve done.

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D, Uncategorized / Tagged: apocalypse, chess, content

Jon Bonemeal, Ogre King

November 22, 2010 11:36 pm / Leave a Comment / Chris

No one knows why Jon decided to be king, but he up and ate the local royal family.  He had lived many years as a recluse in his castle up north, a shape-changing ogre whom no one dared disturb. Some say a young noble stole a goose from him, or some magic beans. Whatever the transgression, Jon Bonemeal visited a brutal and bloody revenge.

Taking the family’s keep as his new home, Jon Bonemeal crowned himself King Jon of Argl. He had letters written to all the nobles of Argl, demanding their allegiance. Those who refused he attacked personally, toppling castle walls, throwing men through gates and eating the aristocracy. He managed to get the northern third of the island to pledge fealty, but discovered that ranging too far from his throne lead to an exasperating number of petty rebellions to put down.

Jon still claims to be King of All Argl Lands and takes the form of peasants, children and beasts to spy on his subjects. Small infractions are punished brutally and vividly, so stories circulate and keep the others in line.

King Jon is much hated by everyone, naturally. He is also much feared, and this fear has held most on check. He is surrounded by sycophants and cowards of human stock. Of his attempts to produce an heir, the less said, the better.

In your campaign, put him several levels over the party and have them meet a cousin of the noble family Jon killed. Perhaps they would be rewarded for helping him…

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D / Tagged: argl, content, monsters, npc

Gods: Adu-Nunna the Cruel vs. Adu-Nunna, Father of Mercy

November 15, 2010 5:00 am / Leave a Comment / Chris

Most human pantheons have one god that just doesn’t fit in.  Adu-Nunna was the dark one of his pantheon, a god of incredible cruelty who used his followers,  the wealthy and powerful, to take his hatred out on the children of his fellow gods. His Adunic Knights waged terrible warfare, executing non-believers and erasing entire nations, tribes and humanoid races from the planet.

His brothers and sisters would not stand for the cruelty of Adu-Nunna and his followers. In a rare feat of cooperation, they combined their knowledge and power to curse him to  seven lifetimes as a human under the boot of his followers, lifetimes he would remember in every detail for eternity. He was a slave, a beggar, a trusted advisor wrongly accused, an orphan, an enemy’s widow, a prisoner, and an experiment.

Adu-Nunna came out of this a changed god. Weeping as he knelt before his fellow gods, he apologized to them chanting a mantra of repentance for eight times eighty million repetitions. He was offered a new name and new form, but refused. Forswearing the heavens, he took a mortal form, calling himself Adu-Nunna the Father of Mercy. He hopes to peacefully undo the empire of suffering he previously created.

Adu-Nunna’s priests and paladins are not allowed to directly kill anyone human, humanoid or intelligent enough to speak to humans. They may fight to subdue, although in some cases, permanent injury is permitted if it prevents someone from harming others or furthering the cause of Adu-Nunna the No-longer (the name his followers call his previous self). Taking the arm of an executioner, for example.

His Brothers of Mercy and Sisters of Insight (his clerics) cast spells as if they were two levels higher and healing spells always heal maximum. (This is to balance out the no-killing prohibition).  His clerics strictly follow the no-sharp weapons prohibition, although they may use or carry daggers or swords for ceremonial purposes. His paladins may only kill armed Adunic Knights who refuse mercy.

Despite his regained immortality (however your campaign may define it) Adu-Nunna appears as an old man, scarred and crippled. He casts any clerical spell as a 20th level priest. He has established a church and a following of a few thousand. They remain in hiding. His new symbol is a teardrop against a black background. He does not hesitate to perform miracles in order to convert followers of his former self.

Of course, the Adunic Knights and his previous church and followers believe this story is heresy, invented by Gal-vani the Tree of Tricksters. They refer to “the cursed imposter” and “his weaklings.” His priests still receive spells as they did before, which they take as proof that their god is still with them. A few believe the story of his rebirth, but think it is a deception of Adu-Nunna himself to trap the faithless. A select few high priests believe the story and now seek to destroy the new version of their god. They do not speak of it openly and have various theories of who is granting their spells now. . Adu-Nunna himself is not certain why. Perhaps he exists in two forms at once? Perhaps another agent of evil has taken his old name.

This piece is meant to be a starting point. It is one of many posts about gods and religions you can use for your campaign.

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D / Tagged: clerics, content, gods

Reverse Clerics 6: Owrox, Abductor of Souls

September 16, 2010 9:16 am / Leave a Comment / Chris

Owrox the soulcatcher, the demon owl, is said to fly over the homes of the recently departed, seizing their spirits in his claws before they can reach the afterlife. Any minor ill omen, such as a fire dying suddenly or a hooting owl is taken as a sign that Owrox has snatched the dead and taken them to his corner of the underworld.

If the family hopes to free the spirit, they must contact the cult of Owrox and petition for release. In some cases, a large donation of gold, an annual tribute of food or some other bounty can be paid. An unholy pact is made and the soul is released, and woe to any family who breaks the deal later. But if Owrox’s oracle sees potential in a family member, the price may be a lifetime of service as a priest of Owrox.

Most of his cult are reluctant members, originally bound to him not by piousness but by this pact. Some are second or third generation members who do not remember the ancestor whose soul was the price of their servitude. Many of his cult are loyal and have rationalized their way into believing Owrox has a great plan for good, but few are fanatically loyal to the point of giving their life willingly for him. Most of his cult fear him and pray for him to release their souls to the afterlife when they die.

Owrox is regarded as a or the devil in most places, and he has influenced local traditions. Owls are hunted, particularly barn owls, and doors and windows in mourning households are kept shut for three days (no one in or out). His name is used as a curse, always followed by spitting to the ground (lest he come for you).

Owrox’s clerics are given instructions from the cult. Often, they are told simply to go out and amass treasure. Whether they are lawful or chaotic, evil, good or neutral, they are expected to carry out their orders. Otherwise, Owrox does not seem to care; he is secretive and reveals little nothing to his followers save through his oracles, prophets and signs. He has no holy books or rituals.

Owrox the Owl, Abductor of the Dead

Alignment: Up to You

Totem: Barn Owl

Enemy Totem: The Bat

There are two common reactions to priests of Owrox. Many will avoid or even shun him. Some will discreetly perform small favors or donations in the hopes that Owrox will pass around their house and not over it.

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Posted in: content, legacy D&D / Tagged: clerics, content, gods

The Possibly Poisonous Bogpiggie

September 10, 2010 12:36 am / 1 Comment / Chris

The bogpiggie is the most poisonous critter in the known lands. At least I think it is.

It resembles a racoon with beaver teeth and porcupine quills, each tipped with a deadly poison that kills within hours.

Or at least the victim thinks so, and he or she is convinced he has hours left to live. He heard it somewhere. Maybe peepaw said it. Or the ranger who lives just south of the woods…

Anyone else with him, even a druid or ranger, will remember it differently and possibly know an antidote.

The bogpiggie is not poisonous, but has a natural and very specific aura of fear/confusion, which effects all who see it or encounter it (no save, not detectable as magic on the creature. dispell magic on victim works, though).

What other party members will recall (have them make INT checks for realism):

1- A special pink mushroom will cure it

2- It is a magic poison. Rubbing any magic potion on it will cure it.

3- It’s best to cut near the wound and suck out the venom (“I’m afraid yer gonna die, Tex.” comes to mind.)

4- Ogre spittle cures it.

5- It’s not poisonous. But it does carry lycanthropy.

6- The victim will turn to gold if he dies.

7- Singing will slow the poison.

8- The venom bestows magical powers.

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Posted in: legacy D&D, monsters / Tagged: content, humor, monsters

Reverse Clerics 5: Roll 1d6 for Today’s Patron Deity

September 7, 2010 1:07 am / 1 Comment / Chris

Some clerics do not have the luxury of a single deity to please. While most polytheistic clerics might specialize, the clerics from the Island of Slorrs must pay even homage to their six deities. Each deity has a fairly unreasonable test for the cleric, but each also offers a reward (in addition to spells).

On a given day, 1d6 determines which of the gods below appears in the cleric’s dreams or meditations, which determines what ends must be worked toward and what rituals must be performed. A missed prayer or a wrong turn keeps the cleric at the mercy of that god until appropriate penance has been made.

1-  Sherockk The Gambler

Sherrock is impressed with foolish risks. The Cleric cannot refuse a dare on this day, provided the challenging party is willing to match him. Note that he is not impressed with bravery so much as sheer reckless chances taken. Sherrock’s morning ritual involves throwing a knife in the air and catching the blade end with one’s teeth. Dexterity or agility save/skill check or take thrown dagger damage to face. Success means +1 casting level for all spells that day.

2-  Blayless the Shimmering

Blayless lives on lies. Clerics must contribute to a lie, obfuscation or inveiglement whenever possible. Add a +20% chance a reasonable deceit will be believed. Obvious lies will not satisfy her and if the GM rules one as too blatant, the jig is up. If there are no enemies to lie to, a long-running deceit against a fellow is expected. If someone who knows of the six asks who today’s god is, the cleric must answer another god (and in fact must have been pretending so already).

3-  The Medicant

The cleric is expected to pack up his or her belongings and set them aside for the day. On Mendicant days, the custom is to ask all other parties what they believe is the right course of action. Money may not be spent on these days, but may be given with no compensation expected or later given. Clerics must remain celibate and abstain from alcohol, rich foods and comfort. Breaking these rules means a week of being unable to keep track of any object for more than 1 round. Following these rules allows two spells to be cast twice that day.

4-  Gransha the Hungry

The Mendicant’s brother, Gransha expects the cleric to act as greedily as possible. On Gransha’s days, clerics have been known to act like thieves. Her morning ritual is a large meal or other display of gluttony. If the cleric’s greed and desire please Gransha, at the end of the day she will heal or remove a disease or curse from the cleric or a designated beneficiary nearby (which must be specified in end of day prayers). Displeasing Gransha leads to severe stomach problems the next day (-1 penalties to AC and Saves).

5-  Shadow Brother

Shadow Brother has left a small token: a coin, shell, ring or other bauble somewhere that the cleric will be that day. The cleric must look in every corner and shadow for it. Finding it is a base 10 percent chance, increasing by 5 percent with every careful search made that day. Careful searches TBD by GM. Not finding it leads to losing a small item from one’s inventory or, if destitute, a large rash on the arm. Finding it means some clue will be understood or some cog will turn leading her closer to a goal (short or long term) or important piece of information.

6- Laughing Man

When the Laughing Man is your master, he wants be entertained. The five other gods of Slorrs should be ridiculed loudly, as should the cleric’s friends, neighbors and party. It is crucial to stay away from royalty, except the royalty and clergy of Slorrs, who quite understand. Players are not expected to get up and do their best Patton Oswalt–no one said the cleric is actually funny on these days. Cleric takes a charisma/reaction penalty of -2 to all NPC interactions. In return, Laughing Man will allow the cleric to choose the next day’s deity (except himself).

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Posted in: content / Tagged: clerics, content, gods, table

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