Why’s it so dark in here?

Posted on January 18, 2012 by Chris

Why is it so dark here?

Roll 1d6

1 – You didn’t buy enough torches, idiot.

2- We’re inside of a bag of holding.

3- Lurker Above.

4- No idea, but–say, is that a mynock?

5- “Character is what you are in the dark.”

6- SOPA.

Update on ‘Bring It’

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Chris

Last December, as a way to get myself back into writing stuff for our game, I offered to write tables, lists and other stuff on request in a series I’m calling ‘Bring It’. I said I’d donate a dollar to charity for each request I get. So far, I’ve gotten 33 requests and I’ve posted 15 replies.

For this first month’s requests, I’m donating $35 to the Food Bank for New York City, which should help feed one child for two months. The food banks around the country have been hit hard this last year, so if you can donate food or money to your local food bank, please do.

I have to finish preparing for the con game I’m running Sunday. I’ll be posting more after the weekend.

Twenty Fantasy Locations

Posted on January 11, 2012 by Chris

worthstream says:
What about a list of weird fantasy locations?The city built in the ruins of an ancient spaceship, an other things like that.
I’m only doing it for the charity, enslaving you to do my work has *almost* nothing to do with it

A gleaming, prosperous medieval city in the belly of a leviathan.

Each legislator is dimension-shifted onto the face of a playing card. This is known as the Parliamentary Deck.

Tavern on the Green. Dragon.

The prisoners work in a large noodle shop.

A civilization on the wall of a giant canyon. At the bottom: animated skeletons.

The Empress loves her teapot orchestra. You simply must attend the concert that about to start.

A spaceship built with the ruins of an ancient city.

The Opera House of the Gods.

Satan’s Hospice.

The Tomb of the Unborn Soldier.

Orchard of Unforgivable Wishes.

A dungeon crawl through the insides of a dead giant.

Dracula’s Vineyard.

The Law Offices of Chaos & Chaos.

Isle on the Sea of Molten Confusion.

A mountain of clear glass.

The bowels of an intra-planar steam-powered organ.

The last outpost at the edge of the world.

City built with stone from a far-away profane mountain.

Bottom of a waterless ocean. The sea life has learned to breathe air and levitate.

You can make a request here.

Twenty Quirks of Dwarven Culture Relevant To Whatever Your Players Are Doing Right Now

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Chris

Stuart says:
20 Quirks of Dwarven Culture Relevant To Whatever Your Players Are Doing Right Now

I don’t know what your players are doing right now, although I suspect they are eating cheetos or drinking or texting someone while you read my blog. Instead of trying to be universal, I decided to come up with twenty situational quirks, most of which are cultural. There are no numbers on these because they are all 100 percent guaranteed to be equally true.

Dwarves lose *all* their hair if they stay aboveground on sunny days for more than a week.

It takes over a decade to regrow all their hair.

Eighty percent of dwarves are loudly and violently lactose intolerant to the fine cheeses served at most human and halfling courts.

Dwarven women do not have beards, but during the courtship season (autumn) married women are required to wear fake beards. These are usually made from their husband’s beard hair.

If you sneeze near a dwarf, he must say an annoyingly long prayer for the wellbeing of his ancestors, who could have been startled by the sound.

Dwarves are expected to get tattoos of their accomplishments, family tree and a map on the back of any lands they have been to beyond their home.

Dwarves have naturally fresh breath. To one another.

Dwarves are forbidden by ancient custom to eat anything that walks on two legs or less unless they killed it themselves. However, if they kill anything with less than four legs, they must eat at least a small piece of it. This means there are few wars between dwarves.

Every year on this day, dwarves by custom must give away all pay, prizes, gifts, loot or other windfall they receive. They must give it to someone who is not related, not a neighbor or business partner or somesuch and who has nothing. Halflings call this day ‘dress like a destitute’ day.

On any day except the above, a dwarf must accept any tangible gift offered him if it seems harmless. Even a cursed item must be accepted and overcome.

Unless attacked, dwarves do not acknowledge the presence of their above-ground cousins the anti-dwarves (or whatever you want to call them). They are not being rude. They involuntarily do not see them.

Dwarves refuse to help lift anything taller folk are also lifting.

Dwarves are shy when it comes to interracial sex, but frequently fall in love with taller folk.

You cannot get a dwarf to pay the regular price. They always insist on paying more as a sign of pride.

A dwarf will not, however, give you even the smallest discount.

Dwarves have perfect pitch, but only on their own musical scale.

Dwarven villages will provide free hospitality to strangers who can wrestle and best their strongest ox.

Dwarven culture is athiest, but they have gods. These gods are symbolic, but are spoken of as if real. There are no temples, but plenty of god-related booster clubs.

No stranger is allowed to turn down a duel challenge when in dwarven territory.

Their drinking contests are not to see who can drink the most before passing out but to see who can lift the heaviest object after an equal amount of drink.

One hand is for weaponry, the other for wiping. No one is quite sure which (even dwarves) so it varies by individual on occasion.

Dwarves are bad at counting lines of text.

You can make a request here.

The Odd Ones Are Better

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Chris

D&D has the opposite problem of the Star Trek movies, so it’ll be interesting to see how Type V turns out.

What Does That Weird Busted Goblin Machine Do?

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Chris

Ricardo Signes says:

“What Does That Weird Busted Goblin Machine Do?”

What Does That Weird Goblin Machine Do?
roll d20	What it does
1	dehydrates potions into pills.
2	turns any humanoid race into another humanoid race at random.
3	turns any humanoid race into a goblin.
4	creates harmless cattle of random flavor.
5	attacks as level 10 fighter. ten slicing blade attacks as +3 vorpal blades.
6	spits out a hundred pythons.
7	answers questions about the dungeon/region. just like goblins, they always say the opposite of the truth.
8	demon vending machine.
9	a mechanized exo-skeleton that doubles your strength and defenses, but uses you to its own ends (usually attacks the party). you are not being controlled mentally–just physically.
10	distracts you from a much simpler machine in the room–one that doesn’t even look like a machine, but allows time or planar travel.
11	save at -4 or be charmed into trying to fix it for 1d4 months, sparing no expense to get it home, buy parts, etc. it cannot be fixed.
12	processes corpses into meat products.
13	circumsizes titans.
14	lays large eggs. what hatches?
15	dispenses 10 x d100 killer bees.
16	tells bad jokes constantly.
17	teleconferences with similar machine on far-away planet. 1D4: 1-aliens 2-faeries 3- demons 4-mirror universe versions of yourselves.
18	teleports party to mirror universe where alignments are opposite (and the shaved have beards).
19	mends armor and weapons, then eats them all and melts them down into ingots.
20	best cook on this side of planet.

Make your request here.

NYC Minicon: Recess

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Chris

Three or four times a year, NerdNYC hosts a one or two day minicon in the East Village called Recess.

Below, I’m posting the list of games schedule. As you can see, there’s RPGs and board games for just about any taste. I’ll be running two sessions of LotFP using Vornheim; one on Saturday afternoon and one Sunday evening. It’s the same adventure I ran last Recess, but hopefully it gets better each time.

So if you live nearby, be sure to drop by and play something.

I haven’t forgotten I owe some posts. I’ll be posting soon.

Recess Game Schedule (January 14&15th 2012)

by NERDNYC

Saturday, January 14th, 12-4pm

Saturday, January 14th, 6:30-10:30pm

Sunday, January 15th, 12-4pm

Sunday, January 15th, 6:30-10:30pm

See full descriptions of the games here.

12 Things Found in a Six-Demon Bag

Posted on December 30, 2011 by Chris

Ogilvy requests:

12 things that happen when you pull something at random out of a six-demon bag.

by way of Egg Shen:

Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What’s in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!

The six demon bag is a mixed bag. It can hold up to six elemental demons, representing the five traditional Chinese elements plus wind, which is a western element. The holder of the bag reaches in and pulls out a demon, which appears as a glowing baseball-sized sphere. She then throws it. Then something happens. Roll dice to determine if it is major or minor.

If the demon is minor, it will be extremely helpful to whoever holds the bag. It will only effect the other side in a battle. If Wang Chi were to open the bag and throw out a demon, it would be minor. If it is a major demon, it will indiscriminately destroy as much as possible according to the table below. If Jack were to open the bag, the demon would of course be major.

How do you determine major or minor? Pick some odds beforehand and roll. Of course players might not know that there’s a good and bad side, so perhaps always make the first demon minor. Up to you, DM.

Six Demon Bag Contents

Roll	Demon	Minor	Major
1	Wood	Root Trap	Splintering Forest
2	Fire	Fireball	Firestorm
3	Earth	Fault Opens	Earthquake
4	Metal	Magnetic Storm	Lightning Storm
5	Water	Deluge	Storm or Tsunami
6	Wind	Gust of Wind	Tornado

Deluge

A tremendous flood comes from nowhere, pushing the enemy as if from a fire hose, washing them away (if there is somewhere to drain).

Earthquake

A nasty earthquake effects the region. The center is where the bag is. There should be lots of property damage and hit points lost.

Fault Opens

A fissure opens in the ground, leading to the depths of the planet. It should be about 50 feet long and about 10 feet wide (see Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ending). It should be close to the enemy leader or the strongest enemy grouping.

Fireball

A fireball that damages only enemies. Roll damage as if cast by fifth level mage.

Firestorm

A giant firestorm hits, doing one die of damage to each creature in a one-mile radius according to the level/HD each creature has (much more damage to higher levels). All who survive have a sunburn that lasts 1d4 years.

Gust of Wind

Knocks down all enemies, disarming them and possibly doing damage or putting them in harm’s way.

Lightning Storm

All creatures within one mile are hit by lightning if they have any metal whatsoever on their person. No tesla cages allowed–these are demons, not science.

Magnetic Storm

All metal used or worn by anyone within 200 foot radius, even magical metals, fly off or away from their owner and form a large Katamari ball of scrap. This applies to magical and non-ferrous metal as well as steel.

Root Trap

Roots come from the ground and entangle all ‘enemy’ creatures.

Splintering Forest

A forest erupts from the ground/floor or ceiling. Branches and vines entangle and skewer every creature larger than a medium dog. Druids take 1/2 damage automatically and are not entangled. Tree-dwelling and sylvan creatures are not effected, nor are flying creatures. This works even in the desert or arctic, but the forest may die off if not in an appropriate climate.

Storm or Tsunami

A hurricane or tsunami occurs, centered on the bag holder.

Tornado

A tornado rips through the area, doing damage to random locations in the vicinity in addition to the immediate area of the bag holder.

8 City Watchmen & Why They Hate You

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Chris

z says:

8 City Watchmen & why they hate you/are dangerous.

Millius doesn’t like anyone with pointy ears, fair skin or long beards. You have all three, scrub.

That was Brandhauer’s (1d4: 1- Sister, 2- Wife, 3- Mother, 4- Dog).

Manchester likes you. So much he wants to add you to his collection over the fireplace.

Dorset is really not so much dangerous himself as he has a jealous oni lover he doesn’t know about.

Procett hates this city. He hates his job. He loves to put poison on his knives, however.

Mumps has, er, the pox. Every round of combat with him you have a 1 in 4 chance of contracting a terrible disease. See my necrotic disease table.

Offord is a classist. He hates anyone above the status of a streetsweeper. He is only a guard because he needs to afford medicine for his mother. You look like you have some gold, guv’na.

Billford is pretty sure you are a lycanthrope. He has silver arrows and other wards. He will catch you in the act of transforming, yes indeed. Or he might just kill you before it comes to that.

NPC Motivations Table

Posted on December 27, 2011 by Chris

Jeremy says:

A table (however many you feel up to) of 1,001 Nights-esque NPC names and their possible motivations.

I answered the first part here, and I hope that works for names, at least halfway decently.

Here is a Vorheim-inspired NPC motivations table that hopefully works for you.

And here it is as a pdf.

Roll 2d6 using differently colored dice. One color indicates the result against the red pie chart, which shows six negative and six positive dispositions. The other color die lands in one or more boxes, which indicate the main object of one’s thoughts. Each die also indicates the intensity of the result. I like to do this twice per character to get their major and minor motivations. Here are some examples, the first with photos. I thought of the character name and position first, then rolled twice.

Queen Priscilla of the Seelie

First Roll for the Queen of the Seelie

Red die: 6 on line of generous and addicted. Green die: 4 on power.

Her Majesty is addicted to power but sometimes very generous as a way to show off how important she is. She is not concerned with petty power, she wants to expand her kingdom by invading the small neighboring gnome republic (power 4 would be regional on a scale of 1=household and 6 = planetary).

Queen of Seelie Roll 2

Roll 2. Red die: 5 on obsessed. Green die 2 on honor.

Her Majesty is obsessed with etiquette and small honors. She desires titles, and wants festivals, children, bridges and trees named for her. She can easily be flattered by a small tribute.

Had the Queen’s dice indicated a 6 for power, she would have wanted to rule the world. Had her honor die been high, perhaps she would be obsessed with honor and refused to deceive the gnomes but instead honorably invaded.

Yunus ibn Efraim Al-Jabhah the Silk Merchant is addicted (6) to wine and sex (1). Because the die is more in the wine box, let’s say that the wine addiction means he can’t perform so well, but has slaves or hirelings who put on a show. And because his red die is also on the edge of angry and spiteful, he gets very angry the next day when he is hung over and unsatisfied.

Yunus is also secretly sympathetic (2) to and provides some material support to a secret (2) plot to overthrow the local prince and establish free trade (1).

If his sex/wine die had been higher, and perhaps more in sex than wine, he would have had a harem and many children. Had his driven die been higher than 2, perhaps he would have been a leader in the movement. Had the freedom die been higher, he might have been devoted to freeing all his people instead of just the merchant class.

Let’s try a commoner now:

Bill the Shepherd is very angry (5) at a priest at his church (divinity 2). If he could, he would kill him. Why? He is obsessed and scheming (6) because this priest has been telling the local folk that cheese (food 2) made from sheep’s milk is forbidden by the dietary laws of Odin. I suppose Bill preferred the previous priest, who in fact told the sick that sheep’s milk helps take away stomach pains.

A dragon:

Mortueste is a red wyrm who has been mentioned in some religious texts. He takes pity on (loving 1) those who have made the long trek to reach him who are stupid enough to believe he is a divine creature (struggle/divinity 2). He offers to let them take home as much treasure as they can carry (loving/angry 6) if they can regale him with an epic adventure tale (adventure 5). Otherwise, he roasts them (remember, angry 6).

This is designed to leave lots of room for interpretation. You have to fill in the details because it’s your campaign. I suggest taking no more than ten or fifteen seconds to do both rolls and interpretations. I hope it is useful.

Credit where credit is due dept.: I took the six wedges of the wheel from the Buddhist wheel of samsara. The outside-the-wedge opposites and any misinterpretations are my own. Thanks to Jeremy for the request. Many thanks to Zack for blazing some trails with this sort of table in his excellent Vornheim.

Rolang's Creeping Doom

Old School RPG Play.